Flowers... hmpf.

I need to start with I LOVE MY FLORIST. He is great to work with and I adore him. This is NOT his fault, but I am SO upset about my flowers.

I would like to believe I am a simple bride... I have explained time and time again this isn't the wedding that I wanted, but I still think it will be amazing. I am compromised myself right out of everything I actually wanted and most days I don't care.

The only thing I held on to was my bouquet.

I planned the wedding... colours, dress and cake... around yellow tulips for my Nan, who was my biggest fan, but won't be at my wedding. It is the thing that links us... the thing that I love and was doing for her, my little tribute to her.

I had to give up on tulip centre pieces, because of the cost. I even gave up the bridal party bouquets because of cost, but I clung to my bouquet. I couldn't have tulips in my Mum's corsage or anywhere else at the wedding but I had my bouquet. It made it special, about me and made me think of Nan every time i showed someone the beautiful picture.

Yesterday I sat down with my florist and got the crummy news that my tulips were likely unavailable. We've had an incredible odd year for weather and a lot of the spring flowers didn't make it or came up a month early. Tulips were a causality of the weather. There are hard to come by and the ones available are short stemmed with questionable markings. Don  (My Florist) is still trying, but it doesn't look good kids.

It changes everything... my dress, my hair, my girls dresses, my wedding cake. None of it makes sense without that bouquet. And not being a girlie girl or a 'flowers matter' girl I don't like anything else I have seen... in fact, I have NEVER liked anything I have ever seen, prior to this bouquet. I won't be carrying flowers... odd I know, but why waste the cash on something I don't want... it will just be disappointing. I am trying to be flexible, but this was SO important to me. Richard gets to have Paul's bike there... I can't even have tulips.

Pity Party... I know.

I am also sick of everyone saying 'It will work out'. No it won't. Yes, the day will go on and I will only cry over the tulips briefly, but it will not "WORK OUT". That drives me nuts, because if I sit back and wait for things to 'work out' nothing will get done.

Anyways... I have more updates, but that is what's on my mind.

UPDATE: Check out the flower update HERE.