One Month

Well kids, this is the last 1st of my single life. Oddly enough I have spent a lot of time thinking about the 'last' of things I am doing. I sure it will turn around after marriage when I get to experience all my firsts, but right now I feel reminiscent of all the lasts I am going through, and giving up.

I feel like the topic is sad, but I don't mean it that way. I just very aware of how I am feeling... I want to honor who I am and who I was before coming Mrs. Pridham (Eeeek... just the sound of it turns my stomach... or maybe its the handful of vitamins I just popped, who knows?)

My list of Lasts...

Today is the last 1st I will experience as Melanie Joanna Frei.
March 21st marked my last winter as MJF
April 8th was my last birthday as a single woman
January 1st was my last New Years
My Accent is the last car I will buy without considering my family
May 2-4 was my last long weekend

I will have a HUGE list of firsts too... including;

The first time someone calls me Richard's wife
The first time I sign Melanie J Pridham
The first time I fall asleep without my last thoughts being of wedding planning (can't wait)
The first time I check 'married' on a survey
The first time I look a Richard and every part of me relaxes, knowing I married my best friend.

It's so surreal the way I am feeling. I am so excited about the wedding and seeing all my friends, I am looking forward to the ceremony to share my vows and hear Richards, to wear rings and seal the deal with a kiss. I am stoked to head to St. Lucia on our honeymoon. And I can't describe how it feels to have found my soul mate and to know that I am his; to know we will spend the rest of our lives together... its amazing.

Then there is the other side of the coin and I don't know how to describe it, beyond fear... fearing that my adventures are over, that I will live in suburbia forever, that my freedom really is gone. Now anyone that knows Richard knows that is INSANE... he is up for any adventure, wants to explore and let's me do as I wish, but still there is a little voice in my head (I named him Steve...) saying 'Are you sure?' and 'Remember marriage ruins everything'

I suppose this is what they call 'cold feet'. Its just conflicting to be SO excited and SO scared all over the same thing.

I have let go of my past and I am ready for my future... which is scary, because I was clinging to my past with all I had. Thank you to those who helped me let go, your blessing means more than you know.

So kids... 30 days and its ALL OVER! I can't wait to get on with the show.

Love!